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Joke of the Day

"Truthful Tuesday: Sometimes I just say ""Hello"" back because there are too many witnesses around to stab you repeatedly in the face."

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cindrella?"

"I take my women like i take my stairs. Two at a time."

"Say what you want about Cannibals but they have a great taste in people."

"X is a sign of the times But if you're in excel, it's *"

"Jack and jill Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. Jack had a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jills real name was Randy."

"I'm watching Olympic athletes run 1500m, while trying to figure out how I can make the Roomba drive 3m to the beer fridge for me."

"What did the Orthopedist Comedian Magician say to his patient? ""For my next trick, i'll tickle your funny bone"""

"No mom I won't go to ""night school,"" I already get what night is, it's that bullshit thing where the sun turns into the moon for a few hours"

"I found my girlfriend's mute button! It's located on her jugular. Only catch is that I had to use a knife to reach it."