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Joke of the Day

"If you cut down a hundred trees, you are not a lumberjack. But if you suck one dick, you are a cocksucker."

"When I push a door that clearly says pull, it serves as a harsh reminder that I'd make a terrible midwife."

"Why are gas giants always so happy? Because they're so Jovial."

"Barista: Name? Me: Lotta Sexhaver *wink* *Time passes* Barista: Got a latte for Virgin McLiar"

"GENIE: 3 wishes. But no extra wishes & no sex stuff Me: why not? GENIE: I make the rules ME: I wish I made the rules GENIE: ...dammit"

"What's the difference between a corpse and a Chinese baby girl? 5 minutes"

"Every time I put on my striped socks I always have an ominous feeling that today is the day that a house will drop on me."

"What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn."

"If Trump becomes president, I would really like to see how Republicans are going to defend him for doing the same thing Obama did: Nothing."

"Is that water coming out of your nose? No, it'snot"