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Joke of the Day

"I saw a fat guy with a ""M.O.B."" tattoo on his arm. I asked ""money over b*tches?"" He said ""No, McDonalds over Burger King."

"Love means never having to say you're sorry until you've thought up a good excuse."

"Adulthood - Pros: you can eat ice cream in bed. Cons: this will somehow make you sadder."

"I've finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a stand-up comedian Thank you prosthetic legs!"

"I've been having a bad feeling lately.. I think one of my dads might be gay."

"I thought about another woman while having sex with my wife so to make up for it... I thought of my wife while having sex with another woman."

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't go near anything that's not 20% off."

"Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood..."

"When you really have to pee and there's no bathroom in sight... Urine trouble."

"My wife said that if I lose my job, she's divorcing me. So I need suggestions here, people. What are some terminable offenses these days?"