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Joke of the Day

"Hear about the time Mohammed's wife called him a pedophile? Mohammed responded ""Pedophile is a pretty big word for a 9 year old!"""

"I told my girlfriend that she drew her eyebrows too high She looked surprised."

"""What's for dinner?"" Updog & chips. ""Does updog have gluten in it?"" No..wait..you're supposed to say... ""You know I can't have gluten Karen"""

"Murder is legal if it happens after a morning person says ""WELL WELL WELLLLLL LOOK WHO FINALLY GOT UP"""

"TIFU by crying at a funeral -- about my favorite team losing. sorry wrong sob"

"Why don't witches wear panties? Because they need to grip the broom!"

"Manslaughter. The sound of a man laughing?"

"What did the bartender say to the horse? bartender: Why the long face? Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family."

"The last time I checked, I was a weirdo. Let me check again. Yep, still a weirdo."

"I should sell this house, the rooms spin when I drink vodka."