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Joke of the Day

"What did the bartender say to the horse? bartender: Why the long face? Horse: My alcoholism is destroying my family."

"Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries? A: Under ""Home Improvements."""

"There was a shooting at the Apple store last night. There were no iWitnesses."

"I have an excellent memory... I cant even remember the last time i forgot something."

"You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it. Thank you TheAustr0naut"

"you are so beautiful without makeup. -my husband, after he saw i spent $62 on an eyeshadow."

"I'm going to start a foundation dedicated to helping people with obsessive behaviour. And call it Obsessive Disorders Control."

"I'd make a joke about desecrating animal corpses But it would just be beating a dead horse."

"Winehouse paramedic was intoxicated on duty... ... after attempting mouth to mouth resuscitation."

"""She queefed violently, immediately fogging the windows of my Volvo wagon. I knew then I belonged to her."" - from my new novel, NIGHT SOIL"