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Joke of the Day

"[baby is bouncing in swing seat] I I wish I had one of those. HER DAD They bring great joy. I (to self) Oh, he thinks I mean a baby."

"Where are average things built? In a satisfactory"

"Why was the russian airforce less superior than their enemies? Cause their airplanes kept STALIN!! (Ill see myself out...)"

"Two snowmen are standing in a snowy field... And after 3 hours of complete silence, one turns to the other and asks ""Can you smell carrots?"""

"Life is like a box of condoms. If you don't use one, you never know what you're goin get."

"A Baptist, a Mormon, and a Muslim walk into a bar... The Baptist says, ""What the hell are we doing here?"""

"Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast? In France, one egg is un oeuf"

"There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom."

"What is the most common kind of martial arts among Germans? Jewjitsu"

"I'm very patient in the way that I can last 45 minutes trying to fix something before I have to pound the shit out of it with a hammer."