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Joke of the Day

"What did the astronaut say to the other when he pressed the wrong button? I apollo-gize."

"Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill."

"Yo Mama so fat her Patronus was a cheeseburger.."

"I'll defend puppies & kittens with my life.. But if your kid's acting like a spoiled brat...I will ABSOLUTELY knock him over when you're not looking."

"Investment question If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy? A: The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper."

"Irritating friend: I passed your house yesterday. Me: Thanks. I really appreciate that."

"The best way to avoid awkward moments with homeless people is to ask them for money before they ask you."

"When Dennis Thatcher had sex with Margaret Thatcher he called it pumping iron."

"What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Hang onto your nuts, because this is going to be one hell of a blow job."

"I was sitting in traffic today and I got run over."