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Joke of the Day

"*At the bank Robber:THIS IS A STICKUP! Me:Looks like a gun R:SHUT UP! M:Well, 'THIS IS A GUN' is way scarier Teller:He's got a point"

"[Fear Factor] HOST: and the first contestant to touch the puppy in front of them will be sent home *camera pans to me already holding puppy*"

"I didn't vote for Trump, but at least Now I get to find out how He's going to Build That Wall and make Mexico pay for it."

"What do you get when you cross a horse, an elephant, and a rhino? Helephino."

"I don't think this bowl of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on my desk is making me as indispensable to the workplace as I had hoped."

"What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Flush"

"What do cows wear when they're vacationing in Hawaii? Moo moos"

"What is Shaun Morgan's favorite food? Seether salad"

"What do you call something that only 9 or 11 can fix? An untenable situation"

"Shields. What is Captain America's shield made of? Vibranium. What is Hawkeye's Shield made of? **Quicksilver**"