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Joke of the Day

"What did the dog get at the vet? [FIXED]"

"If I ever found a unicorn it would probably only be about 5 minutes before I put it's horn in my mouth."

"What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids"

"If you want to get rich why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden."

"Why are the Dutch such great bakers? They know their way around an oven..."

"hey, so much for global warming -- look at all this snow! and so much for global globalness, look how flat it is out there!"

"What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death."

"I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I'm worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor."

"I once lost my watch at a party... I saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, and punched him in the nose. No one does that to a girl... Not on my watch."

"You know what they say about poorly produced pornography... You never see it coming."