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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between your mom and a rooster? A rooster says ""Cock-a-doddle-doo"", and your mom says ""Any-cock-will-do!"""

"ME: Take care of my cat while I'm away? HITMAN: [screwing on silencer] No problem."

"I got arrested today for not opening the door for my neighbour.... Apparently it's illegal to keep him locked inside my house"

"What do you call a person who makes surrealist sandwiches? Salvador Deli."

"Why did Samsung call it the Galaxy Note 7? Because ""Kindle"" was taken."

"""I don't understand swimming. You don't see fish going for a walk."""

"On the bright side... We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady."

"I've never met a weekend that I didn't like."

"What does a priest and a christmas tree have in common? The balls are for decoration!!! :) <3 Source:"

"Lost a couple FB friends overnight. Hopefully they just died and it wasn't something I said..."