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Joke of the Day

"I'd be far more impressed with He-Man if he went all the way and got his doctorate of the universe."

"[In cubicle at work] *pretends to start clipping my nails* *tosses uncooked grains of rice onto co-workers desk with each clip* CW: WTF!"

"A feminist is someone I could really get behind."

"Open books don't get judged by their covers."

"A bear walks into a bar... And he goes up the barman, rests his elbows on the bar, and says ""I'll have a pint... ... of beer please."" And the barman says, ""Why the big pause?"""

"""I bet you can't name two different structures that hold water!"" Well, dam..."

"You know a girl is too young for you... If you have to make the aeroplane noise to get your cock in her mouth Credit: Jimmy Carr"

"After the news today, I went to a Chinese restaurant and made a special order... Kung Pao."

"If it looks like a duck & quacks like a duck, it's a murderer, disguised as a duck."

"I still remember what my grandpa told me before he kicked the bucket. ""I wonder how far I can kick this bucket"""