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Joke of the Day

"Meow meow meow [Wife comes home early] MEOW! *cats scramble to untie me from the torture rack* THELMA I TOLD YOU THE CATS HATE ME I TOLD YOU"

"What do you call a math teacher who's really into BDSM? A denominatrix."

"How do you make an elephant float? Take a cup and add root beer, two scoops of ice cream, and an elephant"

"What did the bean say to the other bean? How have you been?"

"When are they going to drug test the audience of ""The Price Is Right.""? No one is that happy"

"A German underwear company has released a new line of Bra... They call it... ""Stoppinzam-Fromfloppin"""

"So I went on this swinger's camping holiday recently. It was fucking intense."

"Why did the armadillo cross the road? It didn't, it made it halfway and then got hit by a truck."

"Apparently, if she's refused to speak to you for two days your text should not be 'Why are you mad again?'"

"Alligators can grow up to 8 feet! Though most only have 4"