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Joke of the Day

"Even if God himself appeared & said ""Dude, I am real and you need to go to church today,"" I would still be like ""Yeah it's been a long week"""

"Dark humour is like dead children.. - it never gets old."

"[prison riot] *standing over my origami ducks* ""GO AROUND! GO AROUND!"""

"What is the heaviest surgical intervetion that can be done to women ? Getting money and dicks out of their minds."

"Some people are like slinkies They don't do much, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs."

"If the hackers that stole all those Yahoo passwords could tell me what mine is I'd appreciate it. I've been locked out for about 4 years now"

"Kid wants to sit at table, isn't tall enough Me: WHERE ARE ALL THE PHONEBOOKS?! Him: U threw them out saying, who the hell uses phone books?"

"My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she's in for a shock."

"Why does Star Wars Movies numbering scheme starts with 4,5,6? Because in charge of the numbers, Yoda was"

"Two tomatoes cross the street Two tomatoes cross the street. One of the tomatoes gets hit by a car, and the other tomatoe goes ""Aw, come on... Catch up!"""