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Joke of the Day

"Hey Tim Burton, it's okay to be out of ideas."

"Did you here Whitey Bulger was put in solitary confinement because he was caught masterbating in his cell? It was a sticky situation."

"Eat shit dude! No seriously, it's good for your eyes. You've never seen a dog with glasses have you?"

"I went to the local buy and sell to see if there were any cool old jack in the boxes. But nothing jumped out at me."

"What do you call Dr Dre, Eazy-E, Ice Cube and MC Ren rapping on top of Mt. Everest? Niggas with Altitude."

"2015: This is our son, Aiden. 2016: This is our son, Lemonaiden."

"[Playing piano to impress a Russian girl] ""Do you like it?"" Her: That's sheet music ""Yes, it is."" Her: Now excuse me, I huv to take a sheet."

"Life is like a dozen roses... it's full of pricks!"

"What did the man say to the giant squid? What's kraken? JAJAJAJAJJAJJAJA"

"My new hobby is sitting outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say ""You can see me?"""