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Joke of the Day

"When I enter a bathroom stall, I close the door, sigh with relief, and loudly say, ""This is it. This is where I'll start my new life"""

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"I haven't used algebra in 3x-q years"
"White girl frustrated in the 1700's: ""I shan't even"""
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"""Calm down"" I suggested. ""WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT CALM?"" she carved in the side of my truck."
"I hate when I shoot someone with finger pistols but I forgot to take the safety off so nothing happened and NOW IT'S SO AWKWARD :("
"A married man walks into a bar"
"I was voted ""most friendly"" at my high school in 10th grade. It was at this point in my life that I knew serious changes were in order."
"My wife asked me what super hero I would be at the party.. I told her a giant dick that comes to the rescue"
"[calls work] I'm sorry I can't come into work today ""is everything alright?"" [getting owned in an argument on YouTube] no"