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Joke of the Day

"[calls work] I'm sorry I can't come into work today ""is everything alright?"" [getting owned in an argument on YouTube] no"

"What business is King Kong in? Monkey business."

"Why don't you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it."

"Why does a Belgian take a stone and a flashlight to bed? The stone to throw the lights out, the flashlight to check if the lights are really out"

"What's a feminist's least favourite bread? Gender rolls"

"My friend recently got crushed by books. He's got his shelf to blame."

"Girl1: Why are you so happy? Girl2: I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said ""Parking Fine"""

"I just saw a girl hang half her body out the window of her car to give someone the finger. She is my spirit animal."

"How do barmen surf the web? On the Gin-ternet."

"People that say ""God never gives you more than you can handle"" never met my ex-girlfriend."