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Joke of the Day

"They say real women have curves. Well, then, the lady in front of me at Starbucks is a real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real woman."

"Whats the difference between a porcupine and a police car. A porcupine has it's pricks on the outside."

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals.. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"Saying ""Sloppy seconds"" instead of ""leftovers"" is really funny, until your five year old says it."

"George R.R. Martin finished Winds of Winter!"

"I hate lollipop ladies They make me cross"

"When people show me pictures of their kids, I show them pictures of my exes If I have to look at their mistakes, they have to look at mine."

"That awkward moment when you see someone that you've been texting all day and you have nothing to say because you already know everything."

"I'm so glad I'm old enough to know what's bad for me and young enough to do it. "

"I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then he put a black rubber ball in her mouth with a strap around her head I'm just telling you what I saw"