212258

Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire"

"Based on how much my bones and joints pop when I work out, I'm pretty sure I'm 80% rice krispies."

"What is so brilliant with a Arabian blow-up doll? They blow themselves up."

"Mechanic said I blew a seal... Technically, it was a sea lion, but more importantly, how did he even know?"

"What to hear a joke about dementia? Pickles"

"[Spider-Man shows up at my house] *I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*"

"Preferred way to connect with me (ranked most to least): 1. Text 2. Twitter DM 3. Email 4. Phone 5. Climb through my window 6. LinkedIn"

"I almost had a threesome once. I only needed two more people."

"What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry? My donation check to the orphanage."

"I'm in a constant battle between wanting a hot body and wanting a hot fudge sundae."