212120

Joke of the Day

"Q. Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation."

"Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose."

"How do you get an LSU football player to stop masturbating? Paint his penis crimson and white, and he'll never beat it."

"While I was living in Japan a woman approached me on the train... She said to me, ""What's black and white and red all over?"" ""Wow,"" I said, ""You can speak English?"" ""Just a riddle,"" she said."

"Those ""Smoking Kills"" stickers on cigarette packs would be more effective saying ""Smoking Kills Puppies with a power drill covered in bees."""

"Your wife is knocking at the back door to come inside and your dog is barking at the front. Which one do you let in the house first? The dog, because when the dog gets in the house it stops bitching."

"[first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty"

"What car does Jesus drive? A Christler I'm so sorry..."

"What do you call a guy going down on a girl with a smile on his face? A Gladiator"

"End Jokes/Quotes from the tv series QI - Season 2 & 3 humorous quotes, funny stories, and jokes by Stephen Fry at the end of each episode of the show."