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Joke of the Day
"It's a shame that most things aren't pies. More things should be pies."
Next Joke
"My cat is my date and we got asked to leave the Olive Garden. Probably because she's black."
"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? I heard it's very time consuming."
"What do you call a bear who's just got too much darn cartilage? A gristly bear."
"Friend: just be yourself. Me: Be myself? Be myself?! Some of the most successful people I know aren't myself. That's horrible advice"
"Two fish in a tank... ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"
"C'mon phone, let's go to bed."
"Me: Now what's the rule, son? 11yo: *sighs* If his first album came out after 2000, I can't call him a rapper. Me: You're learning..."
"Drove a wedge of suspicion today between the fast food employee at the first window and the one at the second."
"A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body.... and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts."