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Joke of the Day

"C'mon phone, let's go to bed."

"If you think that there's nothing that can make your plants stay alive... Watering can"

"Attention children: Mom is closed."

"Auto correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo."

"On toilet in a stall playin TigerWoods on phone.eagled a par5.Crowd cheered.Pretty sure guy in the next stall thought I just took epic dump"

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use lubricant."

"What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a nigger? Someone who is too lazy to steal."

"Why do deaf women wear tight jeans? So you can read their lips."

"Congratulations, outspoken atheists! You've made not having a religion into your religion!"

"Hello? Yes, this is the chair store calling, are you sitting down? No? well"