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Joke of the Day

"Did you ever hear about the guy who got both his left arm and left leg chewed off by bears? Yeah I saw him a few weeks ago, he's all right"

"How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat? You use a spirit level."

"If a bear attacks you, play dead. Ok good, you're about to feel like this forever"

"Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter? Because the shelter was non prophet."

"EMT: [opens my shirt revealing bread covering my nipples] You faked cardiac arrest for this? Me: Just say clear and make my grilled cheese."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, or two? Three, or four?"

"My Dad has the heart of a lion and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice"

"Fight fire with water. Idiots."

"How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp, and even."

"Did your parents keep the placenta and throw away the baby?"