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Joke of the Day

"I ordered a red ottoman online yesterday and now all my self-aware sidebar ads are a never-ending David Lynch fever dream of red ottomans."

"My girlfriend wants a Christmas Gift she can wear... I'm going to give her a facial."

"Why did the bus stop? Because it saw the zebra crossing."

"This liquid diet crap is a scam. I've been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I'm still fat."

"Two Fish there was two fish in a tank and one of the fish said do you know how to drive this thing BECAUSE THE FISH ARE DRIVEING THE TANK IN A WAR"

"I was once told there was nothing positive about the Bubonic Plague I think Malthus would disagree."

"How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky, Loo-e-ville or Loo-is-ville? I pronounce it Frankfort."

"they should stop calling it the ""Make-A-Wish Foundation"" and start calling it the ""No.... Make-Another-Wish Foundation"""

"What did the clock do after the good meal? He went back four seconds."

"The trouble with having an Asian fetish AND a foot fetish... You're bound to get off on the Wong foot."