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Joke of the Day
"This liquid diet crap is a scam. I've been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I'm still fat."
Next Joke
"Snow White is my favorite Disney movie about a man trying to hook up with a woman who just wants to sleep."
"""Snitches get stitches,"" I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets."
"If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story."
"How do you get Dick from Richard? Buy him dinner first."
"LOL pills that say don't take with alcohol. Ok Doc, how do YOU suggest I take my medication then?"
"How do you greet an overweight Micronesian when you're trying to sound cool? Microsoft Word."
"It was really foggy on my way home today Looked quite misterious"
"I got a bracelet that posts where I ran, and how far to facebook, and I put it on a deer. So it just looks like I'm lost in the woods."
"Why are blacks so fit? From running away from fatherhood."