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Joke of the Day

"Poor Will... Everyone's always firing at him. A joke my grandad would use on occasion."

"INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did... did it work?"

"*Astronaut takes a photo of Earth from space* Earth: ""Delete it."""

"[dismissed from jury duty because I kept coughing loudly the words 'bribe me']"

"How to make an idiot curious? I'll post the answer tomorrow."

"The name is Bond. James Bond. James Melvin ""Crazy Legs"" Bond."

"When I was young I had a fairy God mother. She said I could have one wish, either a long memory or a long penis. I can't remember what I asked for."

"When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punch line becomes apparent"

"I've always wanted to be a comedian... But I have a tremendous fear of being laughed at."

"I get my hair cut twice a week. Mostly because I love capes."