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Joke of the Day

"As it turns out you cannot recharge your cell plugging it in to an electric eel. I'm just glad this aquarium had a paramedic on duty."

"Life hack: Never actually say the words 'Life hack' out loud."

"Two muffins are in the oven . . . One turns to the other and says ""It's hot in here"" the other looks at him and screams ""Fuck me! A talking muffin!"""

"Been waiting at the bar for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck sake!!!!!"

"My cat passed. RIP Fluffy McMittens 2002-2003 2003-2005 2005-2007 2007-2008 2008-2011 2011-2013 2013-2014 2014-2015 2015-2016"

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident? A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out."

"Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have? Because no matter the sport, he would always play write"

"A man walks into a library and asks ""do you have that book for men with small penises?"" The librarian looks on her computer and says ""I don't know if it's in yet."" ""Yeah that's the one."""

"Allergy alert: This tweet may contain peanuts."

"The region of Qatar that hasn't been electrified yet is called acoustic Qatar."