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Joke of the Day

"Police last night raided the Home For Retired Thieves and Au Pairs.... ...they proceeded to search every crook and nanny!"

"I asked 2 girls if size matters. They both said this is something they often debate. Girl # 1 said she likes them big. Girl # 2 said she likes them enormous."

"What do princess diana and pink floyd have in common? Their last greatest hit was the wall."

"My girlfriend just text me, 'thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative' Anybody know what 'ternative' means?"

"So I went to the bank to check my balance Next thing I know, the teller pushes me."

"Batman took some flak going to the Police Ball dressed as the Joker But sometimes he's his own worst enemy."

"What if I never *dramatic pause* sleep *dramatic pause* a- *falls asleep during third dramatic pause*"

"*pulls motorist over* COP: Are you high? MAN: If I were high would you look like a breathing tree? *one leaf silently falls from cop*"

"Did you guys ever prank your passed out friend by putting his hand in a bowl of warm water and then dropping a tiny toaster in it?"

"*walks by HR door for 11th time to see if she's not there so I can take some candy off her desk* HR: Do you need something Josh? me: Nope"