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Joke of the Day

"What does a sandal do on Sunday's? It saves its sole."

"OPEN UP THIS IS THE COPS What's the magic word? [Cut to them back at the station writing on a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]"

"What do rednecks do on Halloween? Pump kin hope its not a repost - its one of my old favs"

"Whenever people ask me if that pun I just made was intended... I reply, ""Nope unintended!"""

"*eats pizza out of box in bed *falls asleep *wakes up next to leftover pizza Voila! Breakfast in bed!"

"Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument? He was baroque."

"America thought about using fat as a currency... ...but there was too much inflation."

"Glad I read the label on that Clorox. I was about to rub it in my eyes and keep it in the reach of so many children."

"Don't fret, I'll buy you a guitar, no strings attached. You might not want it because you're a little picky."

"ME: ""Hey, the 1980s called and they want their pants back"" STRANGER WHO IS SECRETLY A TIME COP: ""They called?! That's a level 3 violation!"""