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Joke of the Day

"Whenever people ask me if that pun I just made was intended... I reply, ""Nope unintended!"""

"*tries to discreetly wipe up my spilled drink with your cat*"

"Polish joke What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name."

"Why was Luis Suarez expelled from the rap contest? Because he was biting."

"I wanted to roll a joint but i didn't have any paper. Lucky that i still had my iphone.."

"What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor? The foundation's been laid."

"I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory"

"Positive thinking comes in all shapes and sizes at your nearest liquor store..."

"What should you do if you're cold? Stand in the corner, because it's 90 degrees."

"What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep."