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Joke of the Day

"I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don't feed me and I'll kill everyone."

"I'm not insulting you.. I'm describing you.."

"Two Condoms Two condoms are walking down the street and pass a gay bar. The first condom turns, looks at the other and asks; Wanna get shit faced?"

"What's a pirates favorite letter? You think it's the ""R"" but it's really the ""C"". Happy talk like a pirate day!"

"Why do Cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose"

"Relationships are like houseplants, if they're mine they die"

"ME: I need you to look at my balls, doc *removes pants* DR: Ok what seems to be the problem? ME: *swivels hips sensually* Nuthin"

"What has 5 eyes? invisibility"

"two year old comes up to me asking if I've seen a dummy, unaware that she's just set herself up for the most brutal slam of her little life."

"What does the government and pedophiles have in common? They defile private things."