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Joke of the Day

"ME: I need you to look at my balls, doc *removes pants* DR: Ok what seems to be the problem? ME: *swivels hips sensually* Nuthin"

"Why did the bacon laugh? Because the egg cracked a yolk."

"What do pirates and pimps both have in common.... ...they both say ""yo ho"" and plunder the bootie! Compliments of my gf :)"

"I try to buy American, but I just can't find a good domestic finger trap."

"Your mother is so ugly, that if she were the only girl in Texas... ...the Lone Ranger would be lonely for a loooooooooooooooong time"

"""If I should die before I wake, please don't draw any dicks on my face."""

"Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with ""I"". Paul: I is the... Teacher: No, Paul . You must say ""I am"" not ""I is."" Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

"Pirate walks into a bar... Bartender says, ""Is that a napkin on your head?"" Pirate replies "" No, it be a bounty""."

"How many people with ADHD does it take to change a - oh look, tree!"

"[babies txting] ""my dad's thumb just came off"" lol wtf ""wait its back on again nvm"" ok lmao ""he just stole my nose"" im phoning the police"