211120

Joke of the Day

"People call my Grandfather Spiderman... He doesn't have superpowers, he just finds it difficult getting out of the bath."

"Did you hear about the Indian who drank 4 gallons of tea? They found him dead the next day in his tea pee."

"FB makes HS reunions awkward. Hey, I haven't seen you 20 years. So how was that nap you took this afternoon?"

"Don't forget to wish that one bottle of salad dressing in your fridge a happy 2nd birthday!"

"Does your dog know how how to surf the internet? No - but he's got a ruff idea."

"Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning"

"How do you tell the difference between the front and back of a tree? Go to the toilet, because you would never shit in front of a tree."

"U.S. DEPT OF FORESTRY: Sir, we believe you're hunting illegally GUY IN ALL CAMO W/ ORANGE HAT: *takes off hat* USDOF: Dammit we lost him"

"1 Ring to rule them all, 1 Ring to find them, 1 Ring to bring them all & in the darkness bind them. 3 rings to let Mum know you're home safe"

"Just confused cereal with rat poison...I don't know if to wait till I'm sober to do something about it or not?"