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Joke of the Day

"Hipsters I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is ""conjoined twins""."

"I don't care how polite your sign is, i'm flushing the toilet paper."

"How do you mute an Italian? Tie up their hands."

"For Sale : Used Facebook account ~ get up to the minute weather forecast, religious counseling and countless pictures of Jenny's cat."

"My math teacher thinks he is the mathsia... and that he has come to save us from our sines."

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."

"What's the similarity between a jew and a dog? They both hate the shower ^^^^SeeYouInHell"

"Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man"

"""My date was cute but he couldnt perform in the bedroom."" *cuts to me in bedroom butchering Wonderwall on guitar* i swear this never happens"

"[Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married"