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Joke of the Day

"Most Facebook updates should be like this: Hi everybody, I didn't have anything meaningful to tell you. I just wanted to waste your time."

"I enjoy political jokes... I just don't like when they get elected."

"I used to think I was into necrophilia, sadism, and bestiality... once I tried it, I realised I was just beating a dead horse."

"Can we have a thread with alternative endings to traditional jokes? I'll start: Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender."

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowls."

"What two friends belonging to two different alien species call each other? Brothers from Another Mothership."

"On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment."

"What do you see when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat miner. EDIT: spelling"

"The inventor of the Heimlich maneuver has died at the age of 96. Ironically enough, everyone at his funeral was choking back tears."

"My girlfriend tricked me into not having sex tonight... Talk about a missed erection. It's best if you read it out loud."