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Joke of the Day

"What two friends belonging to two different alien species call each other? Brothers from Another Mothership."

"If I built a crime fighting robot I'd make his penis the gun. He'd also be programmed to say ""no homo"" before shooting a guy in the face."

"What do you call a man with 6,022 x 10^23 dollars? A Moleionaire"

"When my boss is mad and takes it out on me, I do less work. Can't reward bad behavior with a positive response. Training works both ways"

"Robert Pattinson said Kristen Stewart humiliated him. Then he added it was even more humiliating than being in Twilight."

"If you don't have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you"

"DATE: I'm leaving ME: Why? D: You keep pretending to be a bat M: I don't D: You're doing it right now [a single tear rolls up my forehead]"

"A Jewish kid asks his dad for money He asks his dad for 10 dollars. His dad replies, ""8 dollars? What do you need 5 dollars for?"""

"What's the longest word in the world? Marriage. Because it's not just a word, it's a fuckin' sentence."

"My GF's anti aging cream went bad. HOW DOES ANTI AGING CREAM HAVE AN EXPIRATION DATE?!"