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Joke of the Day

"Heard this one from my 8 year old and couldn't stop laughing Q: Who made King Arthur's table round? A: Sir Cumference"

"Unless: -The house is on fire -The cops are about to kick down the door -Or you're ordering food Do NOT talk to me while I'm on the toilet"

"One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back."

"A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, ""What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"""

"Confucius say... He who farts at church, sits in his own pew."

"In my next life, I'd like to come back as someone who has a life."

"I'm not convinced faith can move mountains, but I know what it can do to skyscrapers. (Come on, it's been 15 years.)"

"I'm going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you."

"Do you ever play a song and then realise you were too distracted to appreciate the beauty of the song so you replay it?"

"McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won't be long before you're dead."