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Joke of the Day

"Why does Mexico never do well in the Olympics? Anyone who can run, jump or swim is already over the border"

"[at Doctor's office] ""When's the last time you had sex?"" Last night. ""With a male or female?"" Oh...with another person?"

"Is it 5 seconds from when it hits the floor or when I see it? I just noticed a skittle under my desk. I don't remember eating skittles."

"Did you hear about the romantic comedy that has a cast consisting only of Vine stars? They've already announced the title: ""P.S. I Got 'Eem""."

"What is the worst thing about being an egg? You only get laid once, and that's by your mother!"

"[Oreo meeting] What about 'sextuple stuffed' ""That's just inappropriate Jeff you're fired"" [later googling Sextuple] ""Omg that's genius"""

"What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans? The black ones steal your watch."

"What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb? You can unscrew the light bulb. - Steve Martin, ""My Blue Heaven"""

"I just took the Bruce Lee of dumps. It fucked my ass all up."

"The Fish Net Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann? A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl."