11551

Joke of the Day

"What do women and pine trees have in common? Every time you try to get on one, they ruin it by getting sappy."

"*Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar."

"About four minutes into any run I decide to work on my personality instead."

"If you put a picture of yourself in a locket, you could say you are... Independant"

"When my evening plans are ruined, I pay it forward by texting ""I'm pregnant"" to random numbers."

"I like how my autocorrect changes ""hun"" to ""Hun,"" like I'm playfully referring to my girlfriends as barbarous 4th-century European nomads."

"I've never laughed at anything any of you losers have posted here on this forum. It's sad as fuck."

"I wish I was Jewish Every time somebody farted I could say: ""Are you a Nazi? Because you just gassed a Jew."""

"""Dad, I want to be a feminist when I grow up."" Dad: ""Well choose one honey, you can't do both""."

"Please don't tell me about your methods of increasing drag on your car It would be a spoiler alert"