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Joke of the Day
"Life called: They're all out of lemons. It's over."
Next Joke
"*hot girl puts a cherry stem in her mouth* *twists it around with her tongue* *pulls it out* *it spells ""I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND""*"
"[my son brings a meme home] please can we keep him [me loading shot gun] leave the room Gregg"
"I know a telegraph operator who was so bad he always had to send his messages again. He had a lot of remorse about that."
"I would rather have Bill Cosby as President than Donald Trump.. because if America is gonna get fucked for 4 years I wanna be asleep when it happens."
"""They're like a sponge at this age"" I say to the parents of the baby I'm using to scrub dishes with."
"Trump is ordering an investigation into his own claims of voter fraud Can he start with the frauds they keep putting in front of the voters?"
"There was a kidnapping earlier today But then he woke up"
"[normal life] ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week [packing for vacation] hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats...32 shirts"
"Was late to my first Fight Club last night So missed the intro rules. Still Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club."