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Joke of the Day

"Was late to my first Fight Club last night So missed the intro rules. Still Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club."

"I just told my wife I am getting her a monkey for her birthday. She went bananas."

"What is the opposite of a misogynist? That little pussy, Brian. Always talking about his feeling and shit like a little bitch. Fucking grow a pair, dude."

"Are you guys alright? No you are all left."

"GF taking me on a surprise V-Day getaway. At least I think. Not sure what the lime and shovel in the trunk with me are for though."

"A robber broke into my house last night looking for money... So I woke up and started searching with him."

"Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off."

"I think mountains are funny.... they're *hill areas*"

"A married's man prayer Dear God, you gave me childhood and you took it away. You gave me youth and you took it away. You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, just reminding you."

"So the Dalai Llama walks into a pizza place... ... and says, ""make me one with everything"""