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Joke of the Day

"[Pick Up Line] Is someone calling me, Or are you just that beautiful. Because Something Is vibrating in my Pocket..."

"This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it."

"NSFW Dad walks into a room And sees his daughter masturbating with a carrot. ""Daamn"" - he says: ""I was going to eat that later! And now it's gonna taste like carrots!!!"""

"Left work, txted wife ""Coming homo."" Then I txted her ""Haha whoops, I meant BEcoming homo."""

"The developers of Apple Maps first big mistake was not calling it Mapples."

"I accidentally got my mom prego... :( She wanted Ragu."

"Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos."

"What's a hard drive's favorite band? Data Remember"

"For those who don't speak Spanish: ""Cinco de Mayo"" means ""hold the mayo."""

"How to tell if someone is pedantic Say, ""Hey, you're being pretty pendantic."" If they respond with this, they're pedantic: ""No, I'm *pe*dantic, not *pen*dantic."""