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Joke of the Day

"Parent: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture."

"How many economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know. They just keep going on and on about how the last one broke."

"Don't forget to insult random strangers on the internet today, morons. <3"

"*reads menu for reasonable amount of time ""I'll take the food."""

"My girlfriend walked in on me again while I was eating cake frosting she'd hidden in the fridge. I hate getting caught masticating."

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He had to work it out with a pencil."

"A guy on Catfish dated a girl for 4 years despite only seeing ONE picture of her. I wouldn't buy a futon on Craigslist with only one pic."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - LAPD Barbie ...comes with two nightsticks in case one gets broken subduing a suspect. Taser also available."

"[boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]"

"How many cockroaches does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know. When I turn on the light they're all gone."