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Joke of the Day
"What do elephants and ice cream have in common? They both come in quarts..."
Next Joke
"What do dolphins like to listen to? Podcasts."
"What did God say when he made the first black person? Damn, I burnt one..."
"My wife bought me Dunkin Donuts k-cups for my Keurig... Now, it's like I finally have an Indian in the Cupboard."
"For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis."
"What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head? ""I have only my shelf to blame"""
"I may be delusional, but at least every single person I've ever met is in love with me"
"I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who took time out of her or his busy schedule to tell me, ""omg you look like hell."""
"Why did the gynecologist get taken in for questioning? He smelled a little fishy. Edit: a word."
"I'm impressed by girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day? Like what if you find a penny?"