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Joke of the Day

"I'm impressed by girls who paint their eyebrows on. How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day? Like what if you find a penny?"

"I gotta imagine one of the worst things you can do is shit your snowsuit."

"Just stabbed my uterus with a tampon."

"Why does the Necromancer hate doing stand-up comedy? He always has a dead audience"

"I have a boat that beats all other boats in races... ... It's a champion ship."

"My girlfriend told me all I could think about was sex... Fanny she should say that!"

"I'm leaving you for an NSA officer ""I'm leaving you for an NSA officer,"" she said. ""But why? What does he have that I don't?"" ""He listens to me."""

"Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain? Oh. So it's you then."

"100% of Nickelback fans drive drunk."

"""Are you a member of any organized political party?"" ""No. I'm a Republican."""