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Joke of the Day

"So I bought shoes from a drug dealer today... I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!"

"You laugh because you think it's a joke. I laugh because you think I'm joking."

"Phill: *gets stung by a stingray Me: *pees on his wound Phill: That only works on jellyfish stings Me: Oh shit, I thought you were dead!"

"What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? Helllooooo ladies!"

"Freedom of expression is great... I can make a kissy face, smiley face or a frowny face, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it"

"What do you call a person who speaks three languages? Trilingual! Two Languages? Bilingual! Only one language? Americans~"

"*Reversing my car* Ahh, this takes me back."

"How do you start a baby shower? Throw it into a wood chipper."

"How many cockroaches does it take to change a light bulb? I don't know. When I turn on the light they're all gone."

"I am so lonely The only ex I have is in my chromosome XY :/"