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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker stops fucking you when your dead."

"Michael Cera, too timid to send his food back even though he's allergic to almonds, eats a meal and politely goes into anaphylactic shock."

"You probably get this a lot but... *punches you in the face*"

"What eye cannot see, cannot blink and is bleeding? The browneye. You'll have to guess why its bleeding."

"When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the girl with glitter on her face does."

"I just tried out the Samsung Gear-VR with my Note 7. It was mind-blowing."

"Why does the lemon feel uncomfortable making friends outside of tumblr? Because it has cis-trust issues"

"Why don't Pirates get invited to Birthday parties? Because they always steal doubloons"

"The bartender says ""sorry, we don't serve time travellers here"" A time traveller walks into a bar."

"I like to go into changing rooms in the mall and yell ""help they're all out of toilet paper."" It really scares the shit out of the employees"