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Joke of the Day

"I like to go into changing rooms in the mall and yell ""help they're all out of toilet paper."" It really scares the shit out of the employees"

"Jokes about being drunk on Twitter are redundant. Maintaining a Twitter account automatically implies that you're drinking on some level."

"Do not mess with bears. You'll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes? That's right - a victim"

"Parenting styles often relax as you have more kids. For example my 1st born ate only all-natural, organic food. My 2nd eats broken glass."

"""That 'Hanglider' bird is a tough sonofabitch..."" ""... I had to shoot it 5 times before he let the man go"""

"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."

"Christmas comes earlier every year. There's 364 days until Christmas and my neighbors already have their lights up."

"If twitter isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it."

"Soviet Monopoly ""Go to gulag! Go directly to gulag! Do not pass go, do not collect food stamps and vodkac"

"Whats green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels."