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Joke of the Day

"How many dads does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to put it in and one to complain that he never screws anything anymore."

"The doctor told the couple to eat lemons before sex to avoid pregnancy. ........But there was a mis-conception."

"When is Dennis Rodman going to realize that he will be executed as soon as the North Korean basketball team he is training loses their first game."

"Ayn Rand, Rand Paul and Paul Ryan walk into a bar. The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die."

"What did the gassy mummy say to the other gassy mummy? ""We have toots in common"""

"I can't figure out if I'm drinking Malibu rum or licking sun tan lotion off skin."

"Patient: Doctor I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth."

"What is long, black and smelly? The unemployment line."

"Why does a giraffe need such a long neck? Because its head is so far away from its body."

"can we have one night where you don't act like spiderman ""ok"" [hour later a bird/panther type thing steals wife's purse] ""don't look at me"""