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Joke of the Day

"The great thing about being a guy is I don't have to put on a ""face"" to go outside. All I have to do is make sure my nutsack isn't showing and I'm pretty much golden"

"The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself ""him""."

"Being on twitter has made my spelling, grammar and vocabulary so much gooder."

"Cogito Ergo Spud. I think, therefore I yam."

"Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain"

"What does a man with no honey do? He cantaloupe."

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will never be subjected to your stupid bumper sticker again."

"I started to go to yoga today and then I remembered that I could lie on the floor in my own house without driving anywhere."

"I have the dance moves of a dog with mittens on its paws."

"Is that sick enough for you?! I man calls in sick to work. His boss thinks he sounds fine so he says, ""You don't sound sick."" Man, ""IM FUCKING MY SISTER! IS THAT SICK ENOUGH FOR YOU!?"""