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Joke of the Day

"My favorite Skrillex song is the one where he drops a spoon into the garbage disposal and steps on a cat's tail."

"Is it ok if i touch the paintings i have poor eyesight. also i have to have BBQ sauce on my hands because of religion"

"What is James Bonds code name when he is abroad? +4407"

"Did you hear about that new bald eagle poison? It's illegal if you use it."

"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

"I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this."

"Ran my first 10k this morning. ...I'm kidding, I'm on my second Milky Way."

"Whats the medicine for people who are addicted to anal sex Trynoassatall"

"Two IT guys are having a chat during a coffee break and one of them sais to the other: Could you borrow me $500? Of course. But let's round it up. Here's $512."

"My dog's pissed cos I buy him Senior food. He won't admit he's older now. So I scratch out the ""i"" on each can & tell him it's Mexican food."